Here's Lookin' At You, Kid
by Morralls
Summary: Sometimes, you have to fight for the people you care about. Previously named "Goodbyes".
1. Goodbye

1If ever there was a time that I wanted to get drunk, it would be now, but no matter what I pour down my throat, it still _hurts_. Of course it does. She's Parker, and now she's gone.

She had a dark past, and she can't escape that. No matter how many times she runs away, in the end, it still comes back to haunt her. I want to go down on my knees and beg her not to go. To keep fighting. She has us now, and we'll take care of her.

It won't change anything. She left to protect us. She went back to a life that will inevitably destroy the Parker we knew to save me and the one I love. She's giving up everything she worked so hard for, and there's nothing we can do to stop her.

Eliot found out who she is. He found out her name, and told me, so I now know that. I know who Parker is, or at least, who she was born as. Somehow, knowing that makes it harder to lose her.

She's a fighter, our Parker, and she knows where to find us if she ever needs us again. I hope she knows that.

I never figured her for a martyr. I've always been the one who will sacrifice things for my team, and if Eliot and Sophie wouldn't kill me for it, I would take her place. It doesn't matter. Parker's past wants _her_, not me.

She left, and there's not a lot we can do about it except hope that things work out for her.

I raise my glass in a toast that she'll never see. Here's lookin' at you, kid. I wish you only the best.


	2. Welcome Home

1I never expected to see her again, but here she is, standing in front of me, wearing that sheepish look on her face that means she wants to ask me to forgive her and let her back into the team, but doesn't know how to ask. We're standing in front of the offices, just me and Parker.

Parker, whom I thought lost forever, standing right here in front of me. It's too much to believe.

I assess my own feelings about this. I'm grateful to her, glad she came back, happy that she's safe. I'm glad.

"You probably hate me..." She starts, looking down guiltily. I turn away and go to the door of the building. I can hear her gasp. Hear how badly it hurts her to be cast out. I pull the door open and step back.

"Come on, Parker. We have a job to do." I say my voice gruff and matter of fact. Parker gives me an astonished look, and I pull the door open wider. "You coming?"

Suddenly she smiles and walks past me into the building, her head held high as though she owns the place. She's a fighter, that one. I shake my head and chuckle a little bit. It seems disdainful, but really I'm just happy that I didn't fail her. That in the end, I saved her, just like I promised I would. "Here's lookin' at you, Kid." The words leave my lips again, and I give her a two-fingered salute. "Welcome home, Parker."

Author's Note: I didn't plan to add on to this, but the situation required it. Sorry.


	3. Forever

I'm trying to drown myself in alcohol. Jack Daniels, Bourbon, Kahlua, Scotch, Vodka, Captain Morgan, Jim Bean, Busch, Mike, Grey Goose, Bacardi, Tequila, Drambuie, _anything_. None of it helps. None of it washes away reality.

I've lost her. This isn't like the last time, when she walked out to save us. She's gone.

I heard the gunshot, and Eliot scream her name, and I knew.

Parker is dead.

I'll never be able to help her now. I _swore_ I would, and I can't. It doesn't matter that it was her choice. It doesn't matter that she told us to go so that she could save us. I've let her down so many times, and now I've let her down again. This time, it's bigger than all of them. This time, she's truly gone, to where I can never help her. I swore I would save her, and I didn't. I failed Parker, and I will always despise myself for that now.

I wish I could tell her how sorry I am- for everything. And I can't.

She would want us to move on. To pretend that she never existed. She was always like that. Gone before anyone realized she was there. It's different for us. She wormed her way into our hearts, stole them, and then vanished with them. I don't know why I'm surprised. It's Parker's style.

Another drink, and still the pain is as sharp as ever. It can't be dulled. Not by liquor, or time. She's gone, and I've failed her. I should have saved her, but in the end, I gave up on her, just like everyone else. She said that to me once... "I knew it would happen sooner or later. Everyone always leaves." I swore I wouldn't. I _swore_ that I would always be around. She thought so highly of me. "From the beginning, I knew you were different. That you would mean something."

The last words she ever said to me were. "You know something? I really do hate you."

I hope that was just anger talking. All the same, it hurt, worse than anything except actually losing her.

I raise my glass in the last toast I will ever give her. Here's lookin' at you, Kid. Enjoy Heaven, because there's _no_ place for you in Hell. Goodbye.


End file.
